Thursday, August 13, 2009


Or, Testosterone Island

[Originally Aired January 18, 2006]

Flashback and Jack and his dad are in a surgical consult. Their patient is some Eurotrash dude dressed like a dracula at Studio 54 à la Dr. Orpheus. His daughter acts as interpreter. There are heated words as Old Man Shephard tells Orpheus his tumor is inoperable. The daughter, Gabriela, says they didn't come to see the old man, they came to see Jack. Gabriela tells Jack they're looking for a miracle, and begs him to help. Jack agrees to try to save her father, much to his father's consternation. I get the distinct impression Dr. Shephard doesn't like that his son is a more respected surgeon than him. Meanwhile, Jack wakes up in the hatch and as he strolls around he sees Locke laying on the floor of the arms lockup. He steps in to help him and Michael appears, rifle in hand. Michael tells him he is going after Walt and Jack tries to talk him out of it. Then he tries to convince Michael to let him come with him. Neither works, and Michael locks them in the gun closet. Kate and Sawyer visit the bunker and find the two men locked up. Kate enters the numbers and Sawyer opens the door from the outside. Locke and Jack arm themselves and head out to find Michael and bring him back. Sawyer goes too, claiming he needs to be near his doctor. Kate wants to come, but Jack tells her she has to stay and take care of the button. At the hospital Dr. Shephard warns Jack that his getting dangerously close to Gabriela. At the beach, Kate tells Hurley about Michael and asks him to look after the button. Hurley tells Sun and Jin what's going on and Jin starts packing to join the hunt. Sun tells him not to go. "Michael is my friend," he explains. "But I'm your wife." Jin sets down his pack and stays at the beach. In the jungle Sawyer and Jack bicker and Jack throws out that he knows Sawyer loves Kate and Sawyer acts surprised and then Jack asks why he's come along, assuming it's revenge for having been shot. Sawyer asks why Jack is here. Locke interrupts and tells them Michael is not heading back to Arrow Bunker to the east, but that they're now travelling north instead. At the hospital Jack is angered and saddened because Orpheus died on the operating table. Dr. Shephard tries to comfort him, reminding him that Orpheus was an old man with a weak heart. Jack says he has to tell Gabriela, but Dr. Shepard says he already has, and that she's left. Out in the parking lot Gabriela surprises Jack and the two kiss passionately until Jack pulls away, saying he can't. Locke asks Sawyer where he got his name. Sawyer again acts surprised, but Locke tells him he knows Sawyer's real name is James Ford. Locke loses the trail in the dark and he and Jack argue about bringing Michael back. Jack thinks he can talk Michael into returning to the camp. Locke insists Michael has moved beyond reason at this point. Jack comes home as his wife is cleaning up from dinner. She asks how the surgery went. Jack helps her with the dishes and Susan asks how Gabriela took the news. He confesses she kissed him and apologizes. Susan then makes her own confession, saying she's been seeing someone else and is leaving him. Susan tells him he'll always need someone to fix. In the bunker Hurley and Charlie spin some records and b.s. about life on the island. Hurley wonders if he's got a chance with Libby. Charlie wonders is Claire misses him. They find a copy of an album by Geronimo Jackson, who no one has heard of. Sayid arrives and tells them their music is depressing. He's never heard of Geronimo Jackson either. They tell him "everyone" has gone to look for Michael. Sayid asks who "everyone" is. Jack, Locke, Sawyer and Kate, they respond. In the jungle Jack makes some torches and he and Locke argue about heading into the jungle further, until the grizzled and crusty old pirate captain from last season appears. What the fuck? He tells them to build a fire so they can chat. What the fuck? Sawyer raises his gun and a shot rings out and Sawyer is grazed in the neck by a bullet. Cap'n Crust then proceeds to lecture them about their poor manners, and tells them the island belongs to him and his cohorts and the crash survivors are alive only because they've been allowed to live by the Others. What the fuck? Jack asks about Walt and Cap'n says he's a special boy, which is über-fuckin'-creepy. What the fuck? Cap'n says Michael will never find them either. Then Cap'n makes them a deal: They leave their guns, return to their side of the island and stay there and the Others will let them live. Jack thinks Cap'n is bluffing, that's why he sent Ethan to spy on them. Cap'n shouts out and suddenly dozens of torches light in a huge circle around Jack and his companions. What. The. Fuck. Cap'n again tells them to lay down their guns and drags out a prisoner to get his point across. It's Kate. Jack and Locke throw down their guns. Sawyer whispers to Cap'n how he ain't done with him yet before putting his pistol down. Later, the four head back toward camp and Kate tries to apologize for getting captured. Jack is a total douche to her. At the beach Jin tells Sun he doesn't like being told what to do. She says she didn't like it either the years they were married. Jin thinks about it a moment, says he supposes she didn't, then smiles and puts his arm around her. Charlie watches jealously as Locke talks to Claire about the baby. Jack asks Ana if she's a cop. She says she was. Then he asks "How long would it take to train an army?"


  1. This was the last episode I watched - the big lead up to this little kumbayah session around the fire was the last negative plot movement straw. Fortunately I have you summarizing them all, so that I don't have to catch up. :-)

  2. last negative plot movement straw. try saying that five times fast.