Monday, January 11, 2010


Or, The Safety Dance

[Originally Aired January 21, 2009]

On the boat, Jack convinces his friends to lie about the crash. Hurley doesn't want to lie, and he's a bit resentful. Sayid feels they have no choice. Frank doesn't give two fucks. Cut to Hurley driving erratically through L.A. Sayid is still out cold. Hurley is in a panic. The cops spot him and pull him over. Hurley rolls down his window and the cop asks him what the hell he was thinking. "Ana Lucia?" Woah! She tells him to get his shit together. Get out of his bloody clothes, get some place safe, get Sayid to someone they trust. She warns him not to get arrested. Then she tells him "Libby says hi" and disappears. On the beach Rose and Bernard bicker about starting a fire while a random guy named Neil is freaking out. Sawyer calls him Frogurt for some reason then takes one of his shirts. Juliet wants to take the zodiac to a shipping lane but Faraday tells her that they can't do that unless he figures out the correct bearing. But he can't exactly do that until he figures out when they are. Miles says he's going to find dinner. Juliet says shell get water then. Hurley buys a new shirt at a gas station. The clerk recognizes him as the winner of the lottery. He pretends he's someone else. As he drives away, Kate pulls into the parking lot. Her phone rings. "I can't believe it's you. How are you? You're in L.A.? Of course I can meet." At his hotel room, Jack looks for his pills. Ben has flushed them. Ben tells him "Go home. Find yourself a suitcase. If there's anything in this life you want, pack it in there. Because you're never coming back." Ben tells him, in the meantime, he's got to put Locke's body someplace safe. Hurley makes it home and he and dad pile Sayid onto the couch. Hurley asks if he's seen the news. No, dad's been too busy making beluga caviar sandwiches. A short while later there is a knock on the door. It's two detectives looking for Hurley. Dad tells them he hasn't seen his son. After they leave he asks if Hurley really killed three people. No, Sayid did. "Oh, well, that's better." Dad says they need to get Sayid to the hospital. Hurley thinks that is a bad idea. Dad insists Sayid needs a doctor. Good thing Hurley knows one. Meanwhile Ben visits a butcher shop and drops off Locke's body. He tells the butcher, "Keep him safe. Because if you don't, everything we're about to do won't matter at all." Back on the beach Bernard and Rose continue to argue about starting a fire while Frogurt Neil pulls a Bill Paxton à la Aliens saying how they're all doomed. Charlotte asks Faraday if he knows what is wrong with her. He doesn't answer. Miles returns with dinner. "I found a boar. Don't worry. It's fine. It's only been dead three hours." Frogurt continues to complain until a flaming arrow in the chest shuts him up. Holy jebus, I didn't see that coming. Neither did Frogurt, apparently. Flaming arrows rain down on the beach. "Come on! Split up! Everybody, get to the creek!" Frogurt is engulfed in flames. So is the boar. Everyone runs. Lots of survivors die. Back in L.A. Hurley's mom comes home and asks what the fuck he did. And why there is a dead man on her couch. Dad and Hurley load up Sayid into the back of Dad's SUV. Did drives away, past the detectives staked out in front of the house. Across town Kate visits Sun. Kate tells her about the lawyers who visited. Sun tells her whoever it is not interested in exposing the lie. "If they were, they would just do it. They wouldn't come to you in private. They don't care that we're lying. They just want Aaron." Sun tells her she will need to "take care of" the lawyers. Kate is all "WTF?" Then Sun says she doesn't blame her for getting her on the copter and leaving Jin behind. Hurley's dad meets Jack in a parking garage somewhere. They move Sayid from the SUV to Jack's jeep. Hurley's dad asks Jack to do something for him when this is all over: "Stay away from Hugo. Stay away from my son." At home, Hurley tells his mom about the island. That all this bad stuff is happening now because they lied. She says she doesn't understand, but she believes him nonetheless. In the jungle, Juliet and Sawyer are captured by three men in olive drab uniforms. "What are you doing on our island?" they ask. Back in L.A. Sayid wakes up in a hospital room. Jack stands over him. Sayid asks about Hurley. At home, Hurley heats up a Hot Pocket™ in the microwave. Ding! Then Ben walks in and says hello. Hurley flings the Hot Pocket™ at him. "I have a car waiting for us out back. The police didn't see me come in. I can get you out of here." Hurley is all fuck that, Sayid told me not to trust you. Ben assures him that he'll take him to Sayid. He tries to convince Hurley everything is okay. "You can stop worrying about the stories and the deceptions. If you come with me, you won't ever have to lie again." Hurley runs out of the house and into the street. He runs to the detectives. "I'm the killer. I'm crazy. I'm a murderer. I killed four people. Three people. However many are dead, I killed them. I killed them." Hurley is arrested. Ben looks annoyed. In the jungle, one of the soldiers waves his machete and threatens to cut off Juliet's hands if they don't get some answers. Suddenly the soldier is hit in the head with a rock. He falls. Another rock, another soldier falls. Sawyer jumps the third one and pounds the shit out of him. Juliet grabs a rifle. Machete guy gets up but is hit with a knife and falls back down. Then Locke strolls out of the jungle and says hello. Meanwhile, Ben visits a woman in her secret lair. Hey, it's the woman who sold Desmond his engagement ring! She tells Ben he has seventy hours to get everyone together. What if he can't in time, he asks. "Then God help us all."

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