Monday, December 14, 2009


Or, Dharma Place

[Originally Aired March 6, 2008]

Juliet meets with Harper, her shrink. Juliet says she doesn't need therapy. She also says she doesn't like being a celebrity. Oh, is this the future? Is she one of the Oceanic Six. Well, no, she couldn't be. She wasn't on the plane. There is a knock on the door, and Tom enters. Oh, I guess this is the past, since he's dead now. She's new to the island. I see. Fucking Lost, and its god-damned flashbacks and forwards and sidewayses. Tom says Ben would like to see Juliet. Tom takes Juliet across the compound. Ben hands her flowers and presents her with her fancy new bungalow. Ben says he wants her to feel at home. Cut to the beach and Juliet is trying to fix her tent. Sun helps and Juliet asks where Charlotte and Faraday are. Jin says they went into the jungle. Juliet asks why he didn't tell anyone. Because no one told him they might be secret douchebags. Though, truthfully, I think the secret is out on Charlotte. Jack and Juliet head out into the jungle to try to track them. It rains. Harper suddenly appears and says "Hello, Juliet, long time no see." Oh, that can't be good. Harper says Ben sent her to tell them that Faraday and Charlotte are heading to the Tempest to release the gas and kill everyone on the island. Ben says she must stop them. Juliet asks how the hell she is supposed to do that. Shoot them, Harper suggests. Jack asks the woman who she is. "I'm an old friend of Juliet's." Then there is whispering in the brush around them and Harper disappears. Cut to Juliet crying softly in one of the barracks' labs. Goodwin sneaks in and the two have an awkward moment. He has an electrical burn on his arm. She patches him up and tells him she is upset about the pregnant woman who died this morning. He suggests talking to Harper. Juliet calls her a hag and Goodwin says she's his wife. Oops! He says it's cool and won't tell her, and she says she won't tell anyone he lied about having a chemical burn on his arm. Cut to Juliet and Jack hunting Faraday and Charlotte through the jungle. Juliet says they're heading to the Tempest, the island's electrical generating station. Jack asks why they'd head there. Juliet refuses to tell him. Meanwhile Faraday and Charlotte stop for water and Kate stumbles out of the jungle. They ask about Miles and Kate asks what they're doing in the middle of nowhere. Looking for spare batteries that were thrown out of the chopper, they lie. Kate looks in their bag and sees gas masks. What the fuck, she asks. Charlotte pistol-whips her. Damn. That woman has a chip on her shoulder, doesn't she? Meanwhile, Jack asks about Harper. Juliet says she was her therapist, which surprises him. "It's very stressful being an Other, Jack." Then she tells him she doesn't want to talk about it. Flashback and Juliet and Ben stare into microscopes and talk all sciencey and Goodwin interrupts with an egg salad sandwich. Ben is not amused. Cut to Juliet meeting with Harper and she asks Juliet what she thinks of Ben. What is this? Dharma Junior High? Sheesh. Then Harper asks when Juliet started boning her husband. Oh, I see, this is Dharma Falcon Crest. Then Harper says she doesn't want Ben to get hurt. Christ. Meanwhile Claire asks Locke to talk to Miles. She thinks her Good Cop routine might be a refreshing change from his Fascist Doucheface One Man Show. He tells her to get lost. Locke feeds Ben and Ben fucks with his head, as per usual. Ben says if Locke lets him go, he'll tell them everything they need to know about the boat. Flashback and Juliet and Goodwin have lunch on a secluded beach. Juliet doesn't want Ben to find out about their relationship. Goodwin tells her there is a mountain of poison gas a few yards away. Ben obviously trusts him or he wouldn't let him work with the deadly chemicals, right? Cut to Oceanic 815 crumbling over the island. Ben sends Goodwin off to infiltrate the survivors. Yeah, he trusts you, Goodwin. Cut to the present and Jack and Juliet find Kate lying on the ground. Jack helps her and Juliet runs off to get her some water. Kate tells him they had gas masks and Jack asks Juliet about it but she is nowhere to be seen. Back at the barracks, Ben shows Locke a video. It's grainy footage, taken covertly, maybe from a faraway balcony, of a man exiting a limousine. "This is Charles Widmore. This is the man whose boat is parked offshore. This is the man that's been trying to find the island." What the fuck? I guess that explains why he was buying the Black Rock journal. A man in a blindfold is dragged from the limo. Widmore beats the shit out of him. Then he looks up and points to the camera. Then static. "Three months ago in Gainesville, Florida, the Virgin Mary seemed to appear in a patch of mold on the side of an old housing complex. When the word got out, over 5,000 people came to see her face for themselves. You've survived an airline crash on this island. One minute, you're in a wheelchair. The next minute, you're doing jumping jacks. If 5,000 people came out to see a piece of mold, how many people do you think would come here to see you? Charles Widmore wants to exploit this island, and he'll do everything in his power to possess it." Ben hands Locke a folder and tells him everything he knows about Widmore is in it. Locke asks who his spy on the boat is. Meanwhile, Jack asks Kate what happened at Locke's. She says she stayed behind to find out if the people on the freighter knew she was wanted. They do. Meanwhile (again), Juliet approaches the Tempest. She puts down her bag, draws her gun, and slips quietly inside. Flashback and Juliet visits Ben. He pulls dinner out of the oven and she looks around and mentions how she thought this was a dinner party, but it turned out to be just the two of them. Real smoooooth, Benji. Suddenly, a whole new layer of creepy has just been added to Ben's personality. At dinner they talk about Zach and Emma (the kids abducted from the tail section of 815) and Juliet ponders the necessity of kidnapping children. "They're on the list." Oh, okay then. She asks about Goodwin and Ben tells her he's still undercover and not to worry. I'd worry if I were her. In the Tempest Julie sees Faraday in biosuit, working on a computer. An automated voice blurts out warnings. She yanks off his mask and asks him what he is doing. Faraday tells her he is trying to render the poison gas inert. She doesn't believe him. Then Charlotte punches her and there is a big fight. Faraday continues to work and Juliet eventually gets the better of Charlotte. She puts up her hands and says "Juliet, look me in the eye and tell me you are certain that Benjamin Linus wouldn't use this gas to kill everyone on this island. We know he's used it before. If you wanna stop us, you're gonna have to shoot us both." Faraday presses some buttons and the alarm shuts off and he says "That was a close one." Flashback and Ben tells Juliet she needs to come with him. He takes her to the jungle and shows her Goodwin's corpse. Juliet asks why she showed him Goodwin's corpse. "You mean instead of his wife?" he snarls. She asks him why he sent him undercover if he knew it was so dangerous. "After everything I did to get you here, after everything I've done to keep you here, how can you possibly not understand that you're mine?" Creepy! At the Tempest, Kate arrives and pulls her gun on Charlotte. Juliet tells her it's cool, they're on their side. WTF? She sure beat the fuck out of you for someone that's on your side. Wevs. Charlotte apologizes and offers to explain. Juliet tells Jack that these people have come here to fight Ben and when Ben wins Jack is not going to want to be anywhere near her. Jack says Ben can come find him if he wants. They hug. Back at the barracks, Hurley and Sawyer play horseshoes. Ben walks by and says "See you guys at dinner."

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