Wednesday, December 02, 2009


Or, Ghosts

[Originally Aired May 9, 2007]

In a forest somewhere (not the jungle, note the conifers) a woman gives birth. A man hovers over her, telling her to push. It's Lazlo from Real Genius. The baby is born. It's a boy. But the woman is bleeding. They stumble out of the forest to a road. Percy Wetmore pulls up in a sports car. (What is that? A Porsche Spyder? Oh, it's probably a suck ass MG.) The woman collapses. She says "Name him Ben" then croaks. So, I guess he wasn't born on the island. Liar. Adult Ben sits in his tent and looks at a handmade doll. He tells Alpert it is his birthday. "You do remember birthdays, don't you, Richard?" Alpert asks if he should take the recorder back to Juliet and Ben freaks out saying he thought he took it already. They run outside and ask Tom if he's seen the recorder. Tom doesn't answer, he is too busy staring at Locke, who approaches carrying his father's body. He dumps Cooper at Ben's feet and says "Why don't you start at the beginning." Inside his tent Ben tells Locke that it's not so simple. That he answers to someone called Jacob. Locke tells him to take him to Jacob. Ben refuses. Locke says he'll have someone else take him. Ben is indignant. No one talks to Jacob, no one sees Jacob, except Ben. "You know what I think, Ben? I think there is no Jacob. I think your people are idiots if they believe you take orders from someone else. You are the man behind the curtain, the Wizard of Oz. And you are a liar." Flashback and a young Ben arrives on the island via submarine. He's maybe ten years old or so. He and his father (named Roger, not Lazlo) walk up the pier. Women hand out leis and say "namaste" to everyone. It's like Fantasy fucking Island, but 9,000 timse more awful because he only thing worse than the Seventies was the Sixties. The guy from the car earlier comes down the dock and now he has hippie hair and he gives Roger a bro handshake and introduces himself to Junior Ben as Goodspeed. Goodspeed has got Roger a job on the island. They move inside to an orientation facility. Dr. Candle is on a video monitor explaining the sonar fence. A girl introduces herself as Annie to Mini Ben and hands him an Apollo candy bar. Little Ben just nods. He doesn't speak much. Dad is handed a jumpsuit with "Roger: Work Man" stitched over the teat. He's a little miffed at having come all this way to be a janitor. At the beach Sawyer approaches Sayid. Sayid asks where he's been. Sawyer say it doesn't matter, and shows him the tape recorder. At the Others' camp, Mikhail arrives and everyone is surprised because he's supposed to be dead. Mikhail points to Locke and says he was the one who tried to murder him, but Ben says nevermind and asks what Mikhail wants. He tells them about Naomi and her sat phone. Mikhail wants them to get to Naomi right now, but Ben has plans to take Locke to Jacob. Ben tries to postpone his and Locke's trip so Locke beats the shit out of Mikhail. Later, in the jungle Ben and Locke stop for some water. Alex appears, saying "I hear you're going to go see Jacob. You're going to need this" and hands Locke a pistol. Before she leaves she says "Happy birthday, Dad." Flashback and Lil' Ben is in a classroom. Suddenly the place starts to shake. The teacher tells the kids to get into position. Annie locks the door. The teacher pulls out a rifle. WTF? Through the window they see Dharma crew members race by with guns. Later that night Roger and Goodspeed argue. Roger demands more money if he's going to get shot at by the natives. Tiny Ben listens from his room. He turns around and mom is staring at him through the window. What? Jebus. Small Ben freaks out and knocks shit over and dad comes in tells him to stop being such a pain and get his ass to bed. At the beach Kate and Sayid and Sawyer argue about Jack and Naomi. As they walk through the jungle, Ben tells Locke that Jacob will be pissed about them arriving uninvited. Locke doesn't seem to give a shit. At the compound, Annie gives Young Ben a pair of dolls for his birthday. "Now we never have to be away from each other. Happy birthday, Ben." Later that night he heads home. Dad is drunk. He notices Tiny Ben's gift from Annie. "It's your birthday. Sorry I forgot. Kind of hard to celebrate on the day you killed your mom. She was just seven months pregnant. We went for a hike, but you had to come early. Now she's gone. And I'm stuck here on this island. With you. Happy birthday, Ben." Junior Ben cries and runs out the door. He sees mom on the other side of the sonar fence. She tells him to stop, that it's not time yet. Locke and Ben pass a line of grey powder in the jungle. It kind of looks like gunpowder. Or ant poison. Locke sniffs it. I hope it's not poison. At the beach there is a crowd and everyone is discussing Naomi. Sayid says she's been kept a secret because they no longer trust Jack and never trusted Juliet. He plays the tape. ThenJjack and Juliet arrive and Jack asks where he got the tape. Sayid tells him to shut his hole and Juliet says to turn the tape over. They play the other side and it is Ben telling Juliet that he plans to raid their camp tomorrow night. Juliet says she told Jack what Ben was forcing her to do and Sayid wants to know why Jack hadn't told anyone. "Because I hadn't decided what to do about it yet." Flashback and Baby Ben heads to the sonar fence. He flips open the panel and shuts down the fence. Then he pulls a rabbit out of his satchel and pushes him through the fence. Seeing it is safe, he follows. Once in the jungle he starts hearing the whispering voices. He runs and calls for his mother. A man approaches from the brush. It's Alpert. Except he's got long hair and hippy clothes. And he's the same age as he is now. What the fuck? Mini Ben asks if Alpert is one of the hostiles. Alpert asks if the boy even knows what that means. Alpert asks what he is doing and Baby Ben says he's left home and is looking for his mother. Who is dead. Alpert asks if he's seen her on the island. Then he tells the boy to go home, his people will be searching for him. Micro Ben asks Alpert to take him with him. "Maybe that can happen. Maybe. But if that's what you really want, Ben, I want you to really think about that. And you're going to have to be very, very patient." Locke and Ben find a battered cabin in the jungle. "We're here." Ben tells Locke to turn off his flashlight because Jacob hates technology. Ben tells Locke there'll be no turning back if he knocks. Locke nods. "Jacob? I'm here with John Locke. We're coming in now." Ben carries a gas lantern into the dark cabin. It's sort of Unabomber-meets-axe-murderer inside. Ben walks to an empty, dusty chair and tells Lock to say hello to Jacob. What the fuck? "You can't see him? He's sitting right here, in this chair!" Ben has a one-sided conversation with the chair and tells Locke he's too close-minded to see Jacob. "You're crazy. You don't know anything about the island, do you? You just made it all up." He tells Ben to shut up and turns to walk away. A deep voice whispers "Help me." Locke spins around and asks what Ben said shining his flashlight on him. Then the room goes crazy. Windows shatter, chairs rock, something shoves Ben across the room. What the hell? The next day the two walk back to camp through the jungle. Ben asks what Jacob said. "There is no Jacob, Ben. I'm not going to be taken in by the little show you put on last night. You're a fraud and it's time your people were told the truth. And this is not the way we came." Ben says he wants to show Locke something, so they've made a detour. He confesses some of what he's said isn't true, like how he wasn't born on the island. Flashback and Baby Ben has gown up to Middle-Era Ben, which looks just like Now Ben but with a fake ass toupee glued onto his head. He zips up his Dharma work man uniform, stuffs Annie's doll into his satchel and heads outside. Roger is there loading up his Dharma van with beer. He asks Ben to come with him and after the beer run they can head up to he mesa and have some father-son time. Later, on the hill, Ben asks if Roger really thinks it is his fault mom died. Dad shrugs and promises to remember his birthday next year. "I don't think that's going to happen, Dad." Ben puts on a gas mask, pulls out a canister of poison gas and pops it open. Dad dies. Christ. Ben walks back to the compound. Dead Dharma bodies litter the ground. Alpert appears with lots of other "hostiles." Alpert pulls off his mask and breathes deep. Locke and Ben approach a ditch. No, a large open grave. It is filled with rotting skeletons in Dharma jumpsuits. "This is where I came from, John. These are my people. The Dharma Initiative. They came here seeking harmony, but they couldn't even coexist with the island's original inhabitants. And when it became clear that one side had to go, one side had to be purged, I did what I had to do. I was one of the people that was smart enough to make sure that I didn't end up in that ditch. Which makes me considerably smarter than you, John." He shoots Locke in the stomach. Doh! Locke falls into the grave. Ben asks him what Jacob said. "Help me." Ben smirks. "I certainly hope he helps you, John."

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