What's new this week? Mostly crap. But it's mostly crap every week, isn't it?
Scissor Sisters: Night Work
Every fag in every big city will be buying this. Do you want to be left out? No, you don't. Produced by Stuart Price, who is like the new Giorgio Moroder but without the giant 1970s moustache, so it should be good. Buy it. You want to be cool, don't you? Yes, you do.
Kenny G: Heart and Soul
Kenny G is pretty much a punch line, right? Right. But he keeps releasing CDs. Who buys these? Smooth jazz is the musical equivalent of a barium enema. I guess if you're into that, hop on down to your local Hallmark store and pick up a copy.
Papa Roach: The Best Of Papa Roach
The best of? Must be blank.
John Zorn: The Goddess: Music for the Ancient of Days
Oh Christ. Now, I don't know what's worse, Kenny G's soulless bland "jazz," or Zorn's atonal, unlistenable bullshit. People only buy this because they think it makes them cool. It doesn't.
Robby Krieger: Singularity
You know what's cool about Robby Krieger? He was played by Frank Whaley in that Oliver Stone movie. A new album of jazz guitar fusion. Swell.
3OH!3: Streets of Gold
I don't know anything about 3OH!3 other than they're classified as "dance-pop" by AMG, wevs, but they do take home the award for stupidest band name this week. Congrats!
Howard Shore: Twilight Eclipse Score
Music to flick your bean to while fantasizing about humping a wolf. Hawtness.
Reissue of the Week:
John Fogerty: Centerfield
You know what's great about this album? Fogerty's former label sued Fogerty for copyright infringement, alleging Fogerty ripped off one of his own songs. Whut? Americam justice, suck on that!