Tuesday, June 22, 2010

New Music!

It's Tuesday, which means new release day for music. There's a whole lot of new shit out today. Emphasis on shit. Rush down to Best Buy or Amazon or BitTorrent and get yours ASAP!

Miley Cyrus: Can't Be Tamed
Hannah Montana grows up. Or something. There's about a fifty/fifty chance this will suck. Color me disinterested.

Eminem: Recovery
The idiot manchild of white rap returns. Or something. I thought he retired to concentrate on marrying and divorcing and marrying and divorcing his ex-ex-ex-wife. There is a 85% chance this will suck. Irrelevancy, your name is Marshall Mathers.

The Chemical Brothers: Further
Speaking of irrelevant. People are still buying electronica albums? People are still making electronica albums? Hey, I used to love these guys. But the E's since worn off. Chance of sucking: 75%.

Ozzy Osbourne: Scream
What's he, like 9,000 years old now? No one that old should be putting out "metal" albums. Odds this album with suck and blow: (Ozzy's age x pi) / (100).

Cyndi Lauper: Memphis Blues
Rich, white woman sings "the blues." Chances this will put me to sleep: 1000%.

Vince Neil: Tattoos & Tequila
No. Just... No.

Laurie Anderson: Homeland
Chances this will suck: 1 in 10. Chance I'll ever listen to this: 1 in 20. It's art rock. Good for her. Too bad I just don't care.

Reissue of the Week:
Clint Eastwood: Rawhide's Clint Eastwood Sings Cowboy Favorites
Chances of this sucking in 1963: 3 in 5. Chances of this sucking in 2010: 5 in 3. Why? Time travel, that's why! This is the future, get used to it.

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