Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Things that happened in this movie, besides explosions: A Chihuahua humped a pit bull. (Comedy!) A tiny robot humped Megan Fox's leg. (Comedy!) A robot beat up the pyramids of Giza. (Action!) After about nine thousand hours of explosions, Shia LaBeouf died and went to robot heaven (really) and the Transformers god resurrected him. Why? Who the fuck even knows. Nothing in this movie made sense. For example, the plot: A fifteen thousand year old Transformer wants to use the pyramids, which are secretly giant ray guns, to blow up the sun, and destroy Earth. Why? Why not, I guess. And Shia LaBeouf touched a shard of the Allspark which was actually the Matrix of Responsibility and Adulthood and it turned his brain into a Transformers history book so the bad robots were going to cut open his head and use his brain to ... do something. Christ. Oh, yes, and besides the dog humping scenes, and the Transformer with a giant pair of testicles, there are the Amos and Andy robots. Yes, two jive-talking caricatures, one replete with a gold tooth. How the fuck do they even exist? In the twenty-first century? Literally thousands and thousands of people worked on this movie, and not one of them said "hey, maybe these racist stereotypes are a bad idea"? Also, why do robots blink?
Tomorrow: The House Bunny.