Wednesday, November 30, 2011

It's Here! (Rearden Metal Edition)

Hey, remember that email from Atlas Shrugged Movie I posted about last week? The one that seemed to be advertising something, but was really not advertising anything? Well, the whole mystery has been cleared up with a new email from... drum roll please... REARDEN STEEL!

Yeah, so, the Atlas Shrugged marketing team is finally taking my advice and sending out emails from movie characters. I guess Rearden Steel is a character. As much as anyone or anything in the movie is. It's an entity. Like the Ministry of Love or the Lord of the Flies conch. Right? It would totally get its own Cliffs Notes page. Plus, it's actually clear this time what they are selling. (Cue up Pomp and Circumstance, they are ready to graduate my marketing class!)

They sent me this great email:

The copy in the email reads:

It's here. And, it's AWESOME.

Harmon Kaslow and John Aglialoro present this very Special Edition Atlas Shrugged Part I Blu-Ray packaged in an amazing one-of-a-kind REARDEN STEEL collectible case housing over 2 hours of incredible bonus material.



[There is also some stuff about Midas Mulligan's annual sale, whut? And the Canadian premier! Ha! Eat that, Canadians!]

Atlas Shrugged: Part 1: The Search for Spock on Blu-Ray! In a Rearden Steel metal case! Note, this is not actually made of Rearden steel because Rearden steel is fictional. But still!

You and all your friends can order this one-of-a-kind item, which kind of makes me wonder if the marketing team knows what one-of-a-kind means. But nevermind!

The Blu-Ray comes in three different versions (Oof, what's the total now, twelve? Twelve different versions of this DVD/Blu-Ray thing?) with a bunch of exclusive features like the "I am John Galt" fan video compilation which is on the regular DVD, too. This also makes me wonder if the marketing team knows what exclusive means. Ah, well, in marketing words can mean anything you want, dictionaries be damned!

So give yourself (obviously) the gift of Rearden Steel this Xmas! I know I will. (I won't.)

Speaking of Xmas (a non-denominational holiday, just FYI) this stuff is also on Blu-Ray this week:

One Day. Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess have sex once a year for twenty years. Special packaging: Comes inside a Page-A-Day Calendar.

Friends With Benefits. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake have sex. Special packaging: Comes inside a No Strings Attached DVD case.

The Adventures of Tintin. Cartoon version of the books! Woo hoo! Special packaging: Comes inside a reproduction of Tintin's rocket.

Walk a Mile in My Pradas. Switcheroo Comedy™ about a homophobe who turns gay. Boat Trip meets Vice Versa and/or Like Father Like Son. Special packaging: Comes in a time capsule from 1986.

Conan the Barbarian Reboot! About muscles and swords and (probably) does not feature any Grace Jones. Special packaging: Comes in a faux-fur loincloth.

The Smurfs Reboot! Computer-generated blue wee people (are they people?) get into hijinx and shenanigans with Doogie Howser. Retro! Special packaging: Comes in a can of creative bankruptcy.

Get shopping, Shruggers!

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