Gorillaz North American Tour Dates

Tour dates for Gorillaz first ever world tour were announced today. Here are the North American dates:

October 3rd, Bell Centre, Montreal, QC
October 5th, Oakdale Theatre, Wallingford, CT
October 6th, Agganis Arena, Boston, MA
October 8th, Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
October 10th, Susquehanna Bank Center, Camden, NJ
October 11th, Patriot Center, Washington, DC
October 13th, Fox Theatre, Detroit, MI
October 14th, Air Canada Centre, Toronto, ON
October 16th, UIC Pavilion, Chicago, IL
October 17th, Target Center, Minneapolis, MN
October 19th, Toyota Center, Houston, TX
October 20th, Verizon Theatre, Dallas, TX
October 22nd, Frank Erwin Center, Austin, TX
October 24th, Wells Fargo Theatre, Denver, CO
October 26th, Dodge Theatre, Phoenix, AZ
October 27th, Gibson Amphitheatre, Los Angeles, CA
October 30th, Oracle Arena Oakland, CA
November 2nd, Key Arena, Seattle, WA
November 3rd, Rogers Arena, Vancouver, BC

Worldwide tour dates and ticketing info here.

[Cross-posted.]

Gay Reichs

The Daily Show's Jason Jones interviews Scott Lively about his theory that Nazis were secretly gay.



The high point is this exchange after Lively explains Nazis put gays to death to distract from their own gayness.

Jones: "So that which you hate the most, you secretly are?"

Lively: "I am not gay."

Jones: "I didn't say you were."

[Via Andy.]

You Know What You Need?

The Brady kids singing "It's a Sunshine Day":


Synopsis:

The Brady kids fucked up and can't afford to purchase the silver platter (it's all Jan's fault, duh) they'd picked out for Carol and Mike's anniversary. So they go down to the Pete Sterne Amateur Hour and perform "Keep On" (dig the jumpsuits) on live television in the hopes of winning a fat check. Their band's name is The Silver Platters. Get it? Well, they lose. (Sad face.) But Carol and Mike and Alice see their performance and buy the platter themselves. Heartwarming. The above clip is their rehearsal number "It's a Sunshine Day."

Can't you dig the sunshine? Well? Can't you? I can, sure, but the fucking humidity gets me every time.

[Cross-posted.]

Buffy the Vampire Soda

Jones Soda has just launched a new line of Buffy the Vampire Slayer themed drinks, for your geeking pleasure. The fab flavours are: Buffy's Blue Bubblegum, Dawn's A Centaur Root Beer, Xander's Strawberry Lime Elixir, Twilight's Old Moon Orange & Cream, Willow’s Green Apple Witch's Brew, and Giles's Grape Potion (see above).

I am sure they taste awful. Because grape soda is awful. No amount of hip packaging can change that. You can order yours here. Just don't drink it. (It's less collectible that way.)

[Via Andy and cross-posted.]

Because There's A Website For Everything On The Internet

Toss My Salad.

Part of This Complete Breakfast

Know what I was thinking about this morning? Cereal. More specifically, Urkel-Os brand cereal (the Urkelized part of your complete breakfast). Remember how yummy those were? No? You sure? Well, maybe this will help your memory:


La transcripción:

Generic maybe hip-hop plays. Steve Urkel enters someplace, perhaps a restaurant, framed photo in one hand, box of cereal in the other.

Urkel: Oh Laura, my pet, I created something that'll make you love me. I got a great new cereal! Did I do that? So, hike up your pant for the Urkel-Os rant*.

Back-up Singers: Mmmm! We're Urkelized with Urkel-Os!

Urkel: Strawberry, banana, fruit flavors so fine! Just one little bite and I know she'll be mine!

Back-up Singers: Mmmm! She'll be Urkelized (Urkelized!) with Urkel-Os!

Urkel: Oh, Laura, when I find you you'll taste true love! The Urkelized part of this complete breakfast. Hehehe! Snort!

Makes me wish I had something other than Cap'n Crunch at home!

* I honestly don't know if that last word is correct. I first thought the lyric was "hike up your pants for the Urkel-Os ranch" but after listening to it five or six** times I decided it was "rant," which, honestly, doesn't make any more or less sense.

** After listening to this five or six times, I was ready to dunk my head in the toilet just to get clean.

[Cross-posted.]

Daniel Schorr RIP

Legendary journalist Daniel Schorr died today after a brief illness, according to NPR.

Schorr was the first journalist to interview Khrushchev on TV. And he was famously on Nixon's enemies list, a true badge of honor in my book. In recent years Schorr worked as senior news analyst and commentator for National Public Radio.

He was 93.

You Know What You Need?

Star Wars on a subway:



Actors from Improv Everywhere re-enact the iconic scene of Leia and Vader's first meeting in Star Wars. Background and behind the scenes info here.

[H/T to RedSonja.]

Virtual Misogyny

I've never been much of a fan of Bret Easton Ellis. Reading about self-absorbed rich people has rarely appealed to me (see also), but I have read a couple of his books. I don't recall much about either of them, other than one started (and ended) in mid-sentence as some sort of stylistic conceit.

All of which is neither here nor there, and is just a preface to the news that Ellis has a new book out.

Imperial Bedrooms is described by Publishers Weekly as a "brutal sequel to Less Than Zero." Clay (AKA Andrew McCarthy) is "casting teenagers for his eighties period film" and "finds himself eyeing the sixteen-year-old actors dressed in the style of his youth." Anyway, "chains and mutilations", "creepy noirish bent", "mass graves", "tortured soul", "mysterious text messages", "betrayal and horror", blah blah blah. More transgressive, masturbatory bullshit from Ellis.

Ellis' publisher, Macmillan, has found the perfect way to promote the book. They've launched a site called The Devil In You which features a fun little "game," the sole purpose of which is to abuse and degrade an actress measure the player's morality.



For example, the player can either "GIVE HER BOOZE" or "PROPOSITION HER" or "RIDICULE HER. Or "let her go." (See image above.) There is no other point to the game. Other than to promote the book through virulent misogyny.

Which may be appropriate for Ellis' book, but doesn't make it any less contemptible.

(Via.)

[Cross-posted.]

Happy Birthday, Josh Holloway.

What a coincidence. I'm all wet, too!

Filthy/Gorgeous

Scissor Sisters: "Filthy/Gorgeous"

Random Photo of Electronic Junk

I Will Now Buy an iPhone

Because the only app worth owning is finally here: Jay Leno's Garage!

So what if the new iPhone for will burst into flames if you accidentally pick it up with your left hand? Fire extinguishers are go! And this app is smokin' (pun totally intended)!

Stay up to date with Jay Leno's Garage, just like the iTunes store says! Things this app can do (besides make you totally irresistible to the opposite sex, like all good iPhone apps) which you cannot live without:

• Look at hundreds of pictures (and video!) of a billionaire asshole's car collection!
  
  
• Read blog posts about a billionaire asshole's car collection!
  
  
• Pro-tips like how to chrome your shit up right! (Which is especially useful if you're a billionaire asshole.)

But this app isn't just for billionaire assholes. Get it even if you just like steam-powered fire trucks! Or denim! [Cross-posted.]

New Caravaggio Discovered

Following up on the recent discovery of Caravaggio's earthly remains, the Vatican newspaper is reporting a previously unknown painting by the Baroque master may have been found. Tentatively titled "The Martyrdom of St Lawrence" the image depicts a mostly-naked man (duh) "with one arm outstretched as he leans over leaping flames beneath him."

Art historians will examine the painting, presumably spending a long time near the cleft of St Lawrence's ass, to determine its authenticity.

[Cross-posted.]

This...

...may be the greatest thing ever written. At least the greatest thing written this morning.

You Know What You Need?

A Labyrinth trailer from 1986:


Transcript:

VO: "Jim Henson's puppets, George Lucas' laser beams and David Bowie's God-given ass finally unite for the awesomest movie since Dark Crystal." Jennifer Connelly spends the next minute and a half running around an M.C. Escher painting while being chased by David Bowie and about nine thousand muppets. "Labyrinth: Coming June 27th!"

[Cross-posted.]

164 Days

With nearly six months to go until Christmas, why the hell am I walking into stores and seeing this?


What is this? A pre-emptive strike in the War on Christmas® 2011? Because July 13th is too damn early for Christmas decorations. Isn't there some sort of rule that you put out the Christmas stuff after the Thanksgiving stuff after the Halloween stuff? If not, there certainly should be.

[Cross-posted.]

Boxcar Willie!

Classic Boxcar Willie commercial, circa 1988.

Harvey Pekar RIP

AP is reporting that Harvey Pekar, author and artist behind American Splendor and Our Cancer Year, which he co-wrote with his wife Joyce Brabner, died this morning.

Authorities report that Pekar "had been suffering from prostate cancer, asthma, high blood pressure and depression." An autopsy to determine exact cause of death is expected.

American Splendor won and American Book Award and was later made into a film starring Paul Giammati as Pekar. Our Cancer Year won a Harvey Award for Best Graphic Album.

Pekar was 70.

Photo of the Day

Scissor Sisters North American Tour Dates

Tickets for the North American leg of the Scissor Sisters' Night Work tour go on sale today. Here are the dates:

August 21, Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta, GA
August 23, Dar Constitution Hall, Washington, DC
August 24, Terminal 5, New York, NY
August 27, The Electric Factory, Philadelphia, PA
August 28, House of Blues, Boston, MA
August 29, Metropolis, Montreal, QC
August 31, Sound Academy, Toronto, ON
September 2, Riviera Theatre, Chicago, IL
September 3, The Rave, Milwaukee, WI
September 4, Epic, Minneapolis, MN
September 6, Ogden Theatre, Denver, CO
September 10, Pearl Concert Theater, Las Vegas, NV
September 11, Hollywood Palladium, Hollywood, CA
September 12, Fox Theater, Oakland, CA
September 14, Roseland Theater, Portland, OR
September 15, Showbox SoDo, Seattle, WA
September 16, Malkin Bowl, Vancouver, BC

Worldwide tour dates and ticketing info here.

[Cross-posted.]

Representin'!

Mike Weinstein for something.

[Via.]

1945 - 1998

"1945-1998" by Isao Hashimoto
"This piece of work is a bird's eye view of the history by scaling down a month length of time into one second. The blinking light, sound and the numbers on the world map show when, where and how many [nuclear detonations] each country have conducted."

Mel Gibson Is A Vile Racist Douchebag Of Epic Proportions... But You Already Knew That

So, what racist slur will Mel Gibson spit out next? Anyone care to take a guess? Go on, think up something, I'll wait. Okay. Did you come up with "wetback"? If so, give yourself a churro.

Dlisted is reporting another gem in the tapes made by former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. Speaking about one of his Latina employees Gibson had this to say:

"I will report her to the fucking people that take fucking money from the wetbacks."

I'm not sure entirely what that statement means, but add one more threat and racist nugget to Gibson's répertoire. These same tapes also include these statements from Mel: "You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n****rs, it will be your fault" and "I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."

Kenny G Weighs In On Prince Internet Kerfuffle

Why? Why not, I guess. Kenny G was interviewed recently (Why? Why not, I guess) and asked about Prince's recent pronouncement that the internet is dead. Kenny G responded "then I must be dead, too, 'cause I use it all the time."

As the old saying goes: Kenny G said, I believe it, that settles it.

[Cross-posted.]

Guess Who Hates You

If you said this guy, give yourself a cigar slice of watermelon:


Gallagher? Whut? Huh? The guy who used to smash produce with a sledgehammer back in the Eighties? Yes, him. Now he smashes other things. More symbolic things. At a recent show in Washington:

Gallagher gets a tin pie plate. He opens a giant can of fruit cocktail and pours it in. He opens a can of some Asian vegetable — water chestnuts, maybe — and pours that in, too. "This is the China people and queers!!!" he screams and takes his sledgehammer to the thing with a fury that is no fun at all.

What the fuck? China people and queers? Okay. So, who else is on Gallagher's shit list? The President, for one. "You ain't black. I don't care what you say — you're a latte. You're half whole-milk. It could be goat milk — you could be a terrorist!" He continues, "If Obama was really black, he'd act like a black guy and get a white wife!" Wow.

And if you have a tattoo, Gallagher doesn't like that either: "That ink goes through to your soul — if you read your Bible, your body is a sacred temple, you dipshit." I'm not sure what the Bible says about calling people dipshits.

Gallagher also doesn't like lesbians (I think): "There's two types — the ugly ones and the pretty ones."

And he really doesn't like trans folk. Especially fat trans folk. "People like Cher's daughter — figure that out. She wants a penis, but she has a big belly. If you can't see your dick, you don't get one."

Gallagher on foreigners: "Look around — see any Mexicans? Nope. They'll be here later for the cleanup." And: "[The French] ruin our language with their faggy words." Yes, Gallagher really hates fags.

He leans into it with the borderline-nonsensical, icked-out, ignorant glee of a boy — or the protest-too-much vigor of a GOP senator. Gallagher delivers your Bible verse for the day: "Without God, we are nothing but dust. What is butt dust? Is that what you get if your homosexual isn't properly lubricated?" He relates a story about spilling mouthwash onto his crotch during a show: "Lucky for me, there was no homosexuals in the area — 'cause my balls was minty fresh."

Christ.

Back in the Eighties, Gallagher was pretty-much harmless (assuming you weren't a watermelon), but he's now moved into very dangerous territory. (The author describes a moment when the show "veers creepily close to white-power rhetoric: 'We're descended from an Anglo-Saxon Viking tradition!') There is no joke in smashing a plate full of veggies and saying "this is China people and queers." That's just hatred. Rage and hatred: visceral, primal. And dangerous.

[Cross-posted.]

Headline of the Day

"Martin Scorsese Denies Predicting Great Things For Rupert Grint." Poor Rupert gets no respect.

New Suede Gigs Announced

After reforming earlier this year for a benefit show, the Founding Fathers of Britpop return with more shows this fall:

Smukfest, Skanderborg, Denmark, 7 August 2010
Parkenfestivalen, Bodo, Norway, 21 August 2010
Elysee Montmartre, Paris, France, 28 November 2010
Cirque Royal, Brussels, Belgium, 29 November 2010
Cirkus, Stockholm, Sweden, 1 December 2010
Paradiso, Amsterdam, Netherlands, 2 December 2010
Huxleys, Berlin, Germany, 3 December 2010
The O2 Arena, London, England, 7 December 2010

See ya there!

[Cross-posted.]

Surprisingly, The Scissor Sisters' "Show Us Your Butt" Contest Not Without Its Critics

The Advocate reports that the Scissor Sisters' new online contest titled "Show Us Your Butt!" has resulted in a number of submission that are, at best, of questionable appropriateness. At worst, they're pictures of people's buttholes. (If you're the type to put that in the "at worst" column.)

Choice submissions include "a couple having sex and one of a man bent over without underwear on, spreading his butt cheeks for the camera." Seems like the inevitable, really.

"Something is going very wrong with this contest," wrote a fan who had never been on Manhunt.com and presumably never seen a b-hole before.

Quote of the Day

"The internet's completely over. I don't see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won't pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can't get it. The internet's like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can't be good for you." — Prince (AKA The Artist Formerly Known As Prince AKA The Artist AKA Unpronounceable Symbol), on why he closed his official website.

[Cross-posted.]

Today in Litigation News

Men at Work has been ordered to relinquish 5% of the royalties from the song "Down Under." It turns out the flute riff (Flute riff? Okay, Jethro Tull) was copped from "Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree" from 1934. Timely. God bless Aussie justice.

According to the AP "the song remains an unofficial anthem for Australia and was ranked fourth in a 2001 music industry survey of the best Australian songs." God bless Aussie aesthetics.

Gay Vatos In Love

Ozomatli talk about their new single, "Gay Vatos In Love," from the album Fire Away.

You Know What You Should Buy?

The new CD by the Scissor Sisters: Night Work.
It's awesome. Especially if you like the Pet Shop Boys, or Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Or Erasure. Or Yaz. Or anything synthy and electro. It's produced by Stuart Price (AKA Thin White Duke, AKA Les Rythmes Digitales, AKA the guy who helped Madonna turn out the best album of her career), whom I referred to yesterday as "the new Giorgio Moroder but without the giant 1970s moustache" which is a huge compliment.

I've been listening to it all day.

[Cross-posted.]