Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Or, Forever Is A Mighty Long Time

Richard Alpert rides into his flashback on a white stallion. Pure awesome. Tenerife, Canary Islands — 1867. Richard's wife Isabella is dying. He rushes across the island to the nearest doctor. Not surprisingly, the MD is totes a douche and refuses to see her, but offers to sell Richard some meds. Richard accidentally kills the doctor and when he returns home with the medicine Isabella is dead. Richard is in jail and asks a priest for absolution. "Yer fucked, Guyliner," says the priest before selling him off as a slave, presumably for thirty pieces of silver. Richard's slave ship, the Black Rock gets lost in a storm and a giant tidal wave throws the ship into Taweret, knocking it down. The ship ends up in the middle of the jungle. The first mate kills all the slaves, since freeing them would be too dangerous, except for Richard. Then smoke monster fucks up the crew, saving Richard's life. Then Isabella shows up. She tells him they are dead and this is hell. Then the smoke monster comes for her. The Man In Black (no, not Johnny Cash, but the Anti-Jacob) visits the ship and frees Richard from his chains. Then asks him to kill Jacob with Dogen's magic knife. Richard gets his ass kicked and asks Jacob if he is in Hell. Jacob gives him a quick baptism and convinces him he is very much alive. Then he explains about good and evil and free will and the island, basically saying the island is what keeps the evil in place and prevents it from spreading all over the world. Then Jacob asks Richard to be his intermediary for people he brings to the island. Richard tells the Man In Black (no, still not Johnny Cash) that he's with Jacob now. Then Jacob asks the Man in Black why he tried to kill him. Because that's the only why he can leave, he says. Forward to the present and Richard is totally melting down and is again convinced they're all dead and in Hell. Hurley tells him his wife is here and there is a reunion of sorts, and she tells him that her death wasn't his fault. Hurley tells him Isabella has one more message. Richard has to stop the Man In Black. If he doesn't, Hurley says "We all go to Hell."

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