Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Or, The Usual Suspects

[Originally Aired March 28, 2007]

So, finally, after all my whining, the existence of Nikki and Paulo is justified. Or at least explained. I've still not decided if it was totally brilliant or unbearably stupid. Gimmicky? Yes. A whole lot of fun? Yes, that too. The episode opens up with Nikki running through the jungle, in a panic. She stops momentarily, digs a hole with her bare hands and drops something in before covering it back up. Flashback and Nikki is working as a stripper. A man with an eighties-style drug dealer suitcase (à la the Halliburton case Sawyer had such a boner for in season one) enters the club and heads toward a back room. Nikki follows him. The man delivers the suitcase to Billy Dee Williams and Nikki busts in and says "No! That's the money for the orphanage!" Billy Dee shoots her dead and off screen someone yells "cut!" See? This bit has all been a TV show. Nikki was an actor. And she's boning the director, a chap named Zukerman. Offstage, Nikki confesses her love for Zukerman. He loves her too. Back on the island, Sawyer and Hurley are playing ping pong when Nikki stumbles out of the jungle, whispers something, then drops dead. Sawyer tells Hurley to get help, but all replies is "Dude, Nikki's dead." Sawyer asks who the hell Nikki is. Flashback to Sydney and Zukerman and Nikki enjoy a nice breakfast. Their chef enters, and it's Paulo, who serves up some rolls. Zukerman eats one and dies. Nikki and Paulo then raid Zukerman's safe, pulling out a Russian nesting doll. (What's inside? More dolls!) Paulo starts to light up a cigarette, but Nikki gives him a health lecture so he puts his cigarette away. Back on the beach, a crowd has gathered around Nikki's body. Maybe she was poisoned Charlie suggests. Sun says they should check the food supply. Charlie notices dirt on her hands. Hurley thinks she said "power lines" before dying but then realizes she actually said "Paulo lies." Sawyer thinks they need to find Paulo and find out what he is lying about. Flashback and Nikki and Paulo are at the airport. Paulo is chewing nicotine gum, having given up those dirty, nasty, tasty, tasty cigarettes. Boone and Shannon bicker loudly. Shannon calls Boone a mo. Nikki tells Paulo she hopes they never end up like them. Cut to the beach, just after the crash. Chaos, screaming, smoke, death, that guy getting sucking into the turbine. Arzt is there. Shannon, Boone. Locke walks. Nikki searches for Paulo. She finds him, asks if he is okay. Asks where the bag is. Flashforward and Hurley and Jin and Sawyer now search for Paulo. They find him, and he's dead. His pants are down and his shoe is in a tree. What? Sawyer dumps out Paulo's water and Hurley complains he's ruining the crime scene. "Crime scene? Is there a forensics hatch I don't know about?" he asks. Flashback, Nikki and Paulo dig through the wreckage and argue about the monster. Paulo thinks it's a dinosaur. Nikki thinks he's a dope. Ethan wanders by and offers to help them find clothes that fit. Then Arzt walks by in a huff complaining that Boone has hijacked all their water. Back to the jungle and Hurley and Jin agree the monster killed Paulo. Sawyer thinks that theory blows. He says the only way to find out what happened is to find out more about them. He suggests looking through their tent. And finding a couple shovels. Flashback and Nikki flirts with Arzt as he shows her his bug collection. He shows her a brightly colored spider confined to a jar. "That is a Latrodectus regina. Very dangerous. They call her the Medusa spider. Her pheromones are very strong, one whiff and every male of the species would be here in seconds." Nikki asks Arzt to draw her a map of the plane's trajectory in hopes of finding their missing luggage. Paulo gets jealous and he bickers with Nikki. The two wander through the jungle and find Eko's plane. Nikki tells Paulo to climb up and look inside. He's all "fuck that, if i climb up there that shit's gonna fall." Then they notice Pearl hatch and open it. Paulo wants to go inside, Nikki tells him she doesn't think their bag is down there. Meanwhile, Sawyer rifles through their tent, finding some of Arzt's spiders and a script for Exposé. Nikki's name is in the cast list. It was her big break, Hurley decides. He describes the show as like Baywatch, but with strippers. Then they find a walkie-talkie and Sawyer thinks they were in cahoots with the Others. Flashback and Artz argues with Kate about them hiding the guns they found. Nikki asks where they found them. Nikki and Paulo head to the waterfall. Paulo dives in but comes up empty-handed. Or so he says. He finds their bag but doesn't tell Nikki. They're actually worse than Shannon and Boone at this point. Sawyer thinks they were involved with the Others, but Hurley says the Others are way on the other side of the island. Sun says that's bullshit because the Others threw a bag over her head and dragged her off. Sawyer pulls a gun and says he's gonna do a perimeter sweep. Hurley asks where he got the gun. Then asks what a perimeter sweep is. Paulo sits on the beach chewing his nicotine gum and trying to bury his nesting doll. Locke strolls by and tell him that he shouldn't bury his valuables here, since the beach is eroding. Later, Paulo sneaks off to the Pearl and hides the doll in the toilet tank. Then Juliet and Ben come down and talk about whether or not they can con Jack into doing surgery. They talk about abducting Sawyer and Kate too with Michael's help. Ben and Juliet head out, leaving behind their walkie -talkie. On the beach Hurley asks if Dez knows anything about the deaths and Dez doesn't and Hurley tells him his superpower sucks ass. But Dez does tell him he saw Sawyer talking to Nikki not long before she died, which means Sawyer is lying about not knowing who she is. Hurley tells Sun and Charlie about Dez's news, but Sun is still convinced it was the Others. After Hurley leaves, Charlie confesses to Sun it was he who abducted her, not the Others. She tears up, and walks away as Charlie apologizes. Flashback to Locke organizing a field trip to the Pearl. Nikki and Paulo tag along. While in the Pearl Paulo sneaks into the bathroom and fetches the nesting doll. He stomps on it and pulls a little felt bag from the inside of it. He flushes and rejoins the group. Down on the beach, Hurley tells Sawyer to hand over the gun. Sawyer asks what's up and Hurley tells him they know he talked to Nikki and they know he's lying. Hurley asks if Sawyer killed them. No, he says. He lied because of her dirty hands. "If you take the time to dig a hole right before you die, then what your hiding is probably pretty damn good." Then he hands Sun the velvet bag. She empties it into her hand: Diamonds. And lots of em. He tells Sun to keep them, because he had nothing to do with their deaths. Flashback and Nikki and Paulo are on the beach and Paulo thinks it is a good thing they didn't find their bag. Why not, Nikki asks. Because it would have torn us apart, he says. He leaves to get them some breakfast, but his nicotine gum falls out of his pocket. The gum that was in the bag with the diamonds. Oops. Nikki storms off to Sawyer's tent and demands he give her a gun. He tells her no, seeing how she's totally pissed and it probably wouldn't be a very good idea. Flashforward and Sawyer is digging a grave for Nikki and Paolo. Sun hands Sawyer back the diamonds telling him they're worthless here. She tells him what Charlie said and he asks if she's going to tell Jin. "No, because then we'd have to dig another grave." Then she punches him in the mouth. Later, everyone gathers for their funeral and Hurley eulogizes. "Nikki and Paulo. I guess we didn't really know you very well. And it appears, you killed each other for diamonds. But I know there are good parts to you too. You were always nice to me. And you're a member of the camp. And, I really loved Exposé. Okay then, goodbye..." Sawyer throws the diamonds in the grave on top of them and says "Rest in peace, Nikki and Paulo." Flashback and Nikki confronts Paulo in the jungle, telling him she knows he has the diamonds. Then she pulls out one of Arzt's glass jars and throws the Latrodectus regina onto him. It bites Paulo and he falls down. "Did it bite you? Does it hurt? Arzt told me why they call it the Medusa Spider. Want to know why? Because one look from Medusa will turn anyone to stone, just like one bite from the spider will paralyze you, for about eight hours. It won't kill you, it'll just slow your heart rate down to the point of where even a doctor would have a hard time hearing it beat. You won't be able to move a muscle, so I'll be able to do, all sorts of nasty things to you. And since it bit you on your neck, I'd say paralysis will happen fast." She pulls off his shoe and flings it into a tree. Then she yanks down his pants and finds the pouch next to his pouch. "I'm sorry," he says. "I was afraid of losing you. If you found the diamonds, you wouldn't need me any more." Then Nikki notices a couple dozen male Latrodectus regina spiders approaching. Uh oh. One bites her on the ankle. She runs off and eventually stumbles into Sawyer and Hurley's game of ping pong. She whispers "paralyzed" before collapsing. Flashforward and Sawyer and Hurley shovel dirt onto the paralyzed bodies of Nikki and Paulo.

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