Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Or, Not A Tim LaHaye Novel, Thank Christ

[Originally Aired April 4, 2007]

Juliet brings Kate lunch, but Kate tries to club her with a pool cue. Juliet is a total ninja and puts the Dharma-style smackdown on Kate. "I was just bringing you a sandwich, asshole." Flashback and Kate is having car trouble. Three days for a fan belt, the mechanic tells her. "Welcome to Iowa." Seriously? What is this? 1934? Wevs. Cassidy is there, and she's trying to pull the same con Sawyer taught her back in season two. But her mark ain't falling for it and threatens to call the cops. Not needing this shit, Kate steps in and says her daddy is a jeweler and buys one of the fake ass gold chains. After the mark leaves Kate asks for her money back. Cassidy wonders why she doesn't want the cops around, and the two head into town for a drink. It's just like a chick flick but with con artists and murderers. Back at the Others' compound, Locke visits Kate and tells her goodbye. He's leaving with them. She's all "WTF?" and he apologizes. On the beach Hurley tells Sawyer the survivors have decided to vote on whether or not to banish him, for the Paulo and Nikki business. Sawyer thinks that blows, but Hurley tells him he may be all to fix things, to make amends. "I don't do amends." Bummer for you, says Hurley. Back at the compound, the Others don gas masks. Then someone opens Kate's door and throws in a smoke grenade. Kate passes out. Flashback to the bar and Kate and Cassidy swap stories. Kate tells how she killed her stepdad. Cassidy tells how she was conned out of her life savings. Cassidy asks why she's in Iowa. Kate says she wants to see her mom. Cassidy agrees to help her, because one of them deserves something good to happen to them. On the beach Sawyer tries to catch a fish, and Sun glares at him. Sawyer gives up and tells Hurley he is ready to make amends. Kate wakes in the jungle and finds herself cuffed to Juliet. What? Kate rifles through Juliet's pockets and finds a knife. Juliet wakes and grabs her hand, asking what the fuck she's doing here. Kate doesn't know but she says she saw them packing up and Locke said they were leaving and demands they head back to the compound and find Sayid and Jack. Juliet is confused. "Welcome to the wonderful world of not knowing what the hell's going on." Flashback to Kate approaching her mother's house. She knocks on the door, mom answers and frowns. Then Gunfingers pops out and throws her to the ground. Only, it's not Kate. It's Cassidy pretending to be a bible salesperson. Later Cassidy and Kate talk about why Kate wants to see her mom so bad. Kate explains how her mom ratted her out and she wants to know why. Back in the jungle Kate and Juliet argue over which way to head. Kate insists they head back to find Jack and Sayid. Juliet tells her that Jack isn't going to be happy to see her since she fucked up his chances of getting off the island. Kate punches her. They wrassle, and Kate knocks Juliet's arm out of its socket. Ouch. Kate starts to apologize, but hears the smoke monster. Uh oh. Kate drags Juliet into a clump of trees. The monster eyeballs (, or whatever smoke monsters have instead of eyeballs) them for a moment before disappearing. On the beach, Hurley tells Sawyer to go say something nice about Turniphead to Claire and to give her a blanket. He pisses about it some but does what he's told. Claire thanks him, Hurley gives him the thumbs up. Then Sawyer helps Dez hunt a boar, and Dez is confounded by his actions. Juliet asks if they're safe and Kate is surprised she's never seen the monster before. Juliet tells her that Jack told her to leave and never come back because she broke his heart. He saw her fucking Sawyer on the surveillance camera. Kate helps Juliet pop her shoulder back into place. In Iowa Cassidy sits at a diner and when her waitress (Kate's mom) walks by, she knocks soup on her. Oops! Kate's mom heads to the bathroom to clean herself up, and Kate is waiting for her there. She asks mom why she narced on her. "You can't help who you love, Katherine. And for good or bad, I loved him. And you burnt him alive. You turned on the gas and you lit a match. You murdered him in cold blood." Ouch. Then she tells her if she ever sees her again she's gonna scream for help. In the jungle, Kate asks Juliet if Jack actually said she broke his heart. He didn't need to say anything, Juliet says. Kate tells Juliet she doesn't know shit about Jack. "I know where he was born. I know what his parents did for a living. I know that he was married. And who he was married to. I know why he got a divorce. I know how his father died. I know his height, his weight, his birthday, and his blood type. What do you know about him, Kate?" Ouch. Then they hear the smoke monster again and start running. Until they reach the sonic fence. Juliet tries to pull Kate through but Kate is all "Fuck that." Juliet reaches into her pocket and pulls out a key and uncuffs herself from Kate. What the hell? She runs through the barrier and starts monkeying with the control panel on the other side. She tells Kate to came across. Kate jumps through and Juliet flips on the barrier and the smoke monster charges at them but bounces off the sonic fence. Sawyer cooks up the boar and tells Charlie he hopes he remembers this at the vote tomorrow. "What vote?" Sawyer asks Hurley what the fuck this was all about. Hurley confesses he was just trying to get Sawyer to take charge as temporary leader since everyone else was gone. (For a con man, Sawyer sure does get taken easily.) Sawyer doesn't want to be leader. "I don't think Jack wanted it either. Sucks for you, dude." Juliet and Kate make it back to the barracks. The place is deserted. Juliet goes to get Sayid, and Kate finds Jack. He asks what happened and she tells him how they were gassed and every one left. "Even Juliet?" he asks. No, she was left behind. In Iowa Cassidy drops Kate off at the mechanic and tells her she's pregnant with Sawyer's baby. Kate tells her to call the cops on him. At the barracks they decide to head back to the beach. Sayid says Juliet can't come. Jack says she can. Why? "Because they left her behind too."

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