Friday, October 01, 2010

Zombie Lake

The Europeans sure like their T&A. One minute in and already we've got full-frontal nudity. Other than that, Zombie Lake doesn't have much going for it. There's plenty of labia, titties galore, and little else.

Oh, yeah, and there's a lake. Filled with zombies. Nazi zombies at that. Otherwise, there's not much to recommend this movie. Unless you like Howard Vernon. And tits. Neither of which I particularly do.

A platoon of about five Nazis is gunned down by resistance fighters and dumped in a lake, but not before one of them can impregnate a local villager. Some years later a van full of female volleyball players arrives. The girls strip naked, frolic in the lake and are eaten alive.

This is pretty much the pattern the movie follows. Girls get naked, jiggle their boobs, and are eaten by zombies. And from that description, you might think this would be a pretty entertaining movie. It isn't. It somehow manages to be one of the most boring movies ever made.

Zombie Lake is cheap and stupid.

Cheap, as in: the makeup is so bad, the green paint (and yes, I suspect it may actually be just that: paint) on the zombies runs, smears, flakes and chips throughout. And ends conveniently at the chin. Nazi zombies have pink necks and hands.

Stupid, as in: The Nazi zombie and his estranged daughter reconcile and try to make up for lost time. You know, the time he was dead. At the bottom of the lake.

Zombie attacks consist entirely of actors spitting red food colouring on one another. It doesn't look like blood. Hell, it doesn't even look like stage-blood.

As zombie movies go, this one has almost nothing to offer. It is inept, and worse yet, completely boring. Sure, there are plenty of tits, but you've got to wade through a fair amount of shit to get to them. If you want to see naked women, there are better ways of going about it.

Directed by Jean Rollin • Unrated • 1980 • 90 minutes

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