Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Or, Genesis 8:23

Flashback to somewhen, a pregnant woman washes ashore on the island. Another woman, let's call her Mother, because she's so darn maternal, finds her and starts looking after her. The the woman goes into labor. And gives birth to Jacob. Then another baby pops out. "I only picked one name," she says. But it's okay, she doesn't need to think up another name, because Mother brains her with a rock. Damn. Thirteen years later, the Boy in Black (is he ever going to get a name?) finds a box washed up on shore. It's a senet game, which is like backgammon, but Egyptian and favoured by smoke monsters. Young Jacob and the Boy play the game then Jacob narcs on the Boy to Mother about the game which was supposed to be secret. Jacob can't lie. Mother says the Boy is special. The Boy asks if they came from across the sea. She says there is nothing across the sea and there is no one else on the island. Later the kids go boar hunting and see some people. The boys ask why Mother lied. "It's not time yet..." She blindfolds them and takes them into the jungle to a spring cave. Golden light pours from the opening. Mother tells them some hooha about how they have to protect the light from the other people on the island because they will try to steal and will break it and if that happens the light goes out everywhere. Mother tells them she made it so the boys can't hurt each other and that one of them will have to protect the light cave. Later the Boy sees Birth Mom and she tells him she's dead and that the others on the island are his people. The Boy tries to get Jacob to run away with him, but Jacob instead beats the shit out of him. So much for Mother's assurance they couldn't hurt one another. So, the Boy runs off to live with the others but still stays in touch with Jacob. Thirty years later they play senet and the Man in Black tells Jacob that the others are serious douchebags. The Man in Black says this place blows and he's leaving. Mother visits and the Man shows her the well they've dug and explains how they're building a wheel to do something. It isn't clear. But it's that same wheel Ben used to move the island. So she hits him in the head (what is her problem?) and knocks him out. She then visits Jacob and tells him he's in charge of the island now but he can't go in the cave. She says that would be worse than death. When the Man in Black wakes he finds all the others dead and his well filled in. Damn. So the Man in Black returns to Mother's cave and stabs her. She thanks him and then dies. WTF? Jacob comes home to the cave and finds Mother dead and grabs the Man in Black and drags him to the shiny golden spring and throws him in it. The earth rumbles and the Smoke Monster shoots out the cave. Oh, that's where he came from. Worse than death = turning into a smoke monster. Damn. Later, Jacob finds his brother's body in the river. He takes him and lies him next to Mother in the cave. Cut to season one, with Jack and Kate finding the two bodies in the cave. "Our very own Adam and Eve," Locke comments. Damn.

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