Faced with a bleak economic forecast, and the possibility of a Democrat in the White House, Americans everywhere have been stocking up. On weapons. Yes, weapons. Not soup, or blankets, or water. Not even bibles. But guns and ammunition.
As Bob Leyshion, American citizen, puts it: "People are preparing for catastrophe right now. It's insurance. With the stock market crash and people out of work, and the illegal aliens in this area, the probability of civil disorder is very high."
So, with this perfect storm of a faltering stock market, illegal aliens, and presumed Democratic control of the government, we are, apparently, on the verge chaos, rioting, and the breakdown of civil society. Better stock up on semi-automatic weapons then.
"Look at the political situation and the financial situation. It's common sense. People are scared," says Gun Emporium owner Fred Russell. It's that common sense that says put an Uzi in your kid's hands, I guess.
And as gun owner Margaret Marcus explains: "I think right now people are scared Obama is going to take their rights away." Don't worry, Margaret Marcus, I am pretty sure your membership in a well regulated militia will not be infringed.
Speaking of militias, and people with guns and the breakdown of civil society:
Law enforcement agents have broken up a plot by two neo-Nazi skinheads to assassinate Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and shoot or decapitate 88 black people, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco Firearms and Explosives said Monday.
Jim Cavanaugh, special agent in charge of ATF's Nashville field office, said the two men planned to kill 88 black people, including 14 by beheading. The numbers 88 and 14 are symbolic in the white supremacist community.
I don't have any jokes to accompany that bit of information.