TWO FOR THE ROAD

Or, Holy. Fucking. Shit.

[Originally Aired May 3, 2006]

Flashback and Ana is at the morgue with her mom-boss looking at the corpse of the man she murdered. Mom knows Ana killed him, and also knows the investigation will go nowhere. Ana says she'll get a lawyer, and mom says she doesn't need one, but she does need to respect the badge. Ana quits. Later, she's working for the NTSB as an airport security agent. After her shift she meets Old Man Shephard in the airport lounge. He tells he how his son ratted him out. She tells him she used to be a cop. He asks her to come to Sydney with him and act as his bodyguard. She asks him why the fuck she should do that. Fate, he says. In the hatch, Ana brings Fake Henry some food, and when he mumbles something, she leans in to hear. He attacks her and tries to kill her, saying she killed two of the Others, who were good people. Locke hits Fake Henry with his crutch and knocks him out, saving Ana. Later, Locke returns to the cell and asks Fake Henry why he didn't bash in his skull when he was trapped under the blast door. Fake Henry tells him that is because Locke is a good person, and when he was captured he was on his way to bring him into the Others' fold. What? Locke would have to be a real dumbass to believe that. He probably does. Kate and Jack return with Michael and start nursing him back to health. Jack asks Ana about her injury but Locke tells her it was his fault, just an accident. In flashback Old Man Shephard gets piss drunk and demands Ana drive him to the suburbs where he confronts a woman at her home. Shephard mumbles about how he's paid the mortgage and has every right to see his daughter. Jebus. Before things get out of control Ana drags him back to the car. In the jungle Ana asks Sawyer for a gun and he tells her to get one from Jack, then the two wrassle around a bit and then fuck. But this is TV so we don't see the fucking, but it is implied with discarded clothes on the jungle floor. Speaking of fucking, Hurley asks Sayid to borrow the radio so he can re-enact Say Anything and get in Libby's pants. Sayid tells him to take her to the beach where he first humped Shannon. Hurley tries to pack a surprise picnic but kind of fucks it up. He says he hopes to remember where he knows her from. So he takes her into the jungle and gets lost while she makes Hanna Barbera jokes. They eventually find the beach but it's the same beach they left and Hurley isn't sure until Libby points out Jin fishing a few feet away. Libby suggests they just spread out their blanket where they are and Hurley is all "Blanket?" No wonder this dude can't get laid. Libby heads off to find a blanket and Jin gives Hurley the thumbs up. Michael wakes up and tells them how he found the Others and how they're all raggedy and only have two pistols and they should go attack them soon. Kate looks a little suspicious. Nonetheless she, Jack and Locke go to Sawyer and tell him to turn over the guns. Sawyer says fuck no, and Jack sticks his gun in Sawyer's face and Sawyer reaches for his gun and realizes Ana took it earlier. Locke suddenly realizes he needs to tell Jack about the incident between her and Fake Henry now that she is alone with him with a gun. In Australia, Ana tries to talk Old Man Shephard out of drinking, but has no luck. As he exits the car, Shep bumps into Sawyer. Later, at the airport, Ana calls mom and tells her she wants to come home. Jack is there, again, pleading with the counter agent to let him put his father on the plane. Jin is in line. Then so is Ana. In the hatch, Ana gives Fake Henry a knife and tells him to cut himself free. He does and she aims the gun at him. Uh oh. Cut to a short while later, Ana sits alone holding the gun. Michael approaches, and she tells him she was unable to kill him. Michael says he'll do it, they took his boy, he'll kill Fake Henry. Ana hands him the gun and tells him the combo. "I'm sorry, " he says. "For what?" she asks. Michael shoots her in the chest. Libby walks in, blanket in hand, screams at Michael and he plugs her three or four times. Holy fucking shit. Michael opens the door and stares at Fake Henry for a bit. Then he turns the gun and shoots himself.