DEUS EX MACHINA

Or, Another Plane Crash

[Originally Aired March 30, 2005]

Locke is in a flashback and he works in a toy store and has hair and can still walk. He shows a kid how to play Mousetrap and then realizes he's being stalked by Swoosie Kurtz. That freaks him out, but hey, who wouldn't be freaked out if they were being stalked by Swoosie Kurtz? He chases her through the parking lot and gets hit by a car, but it's only a minor injury and when he finally catches her she tells him she's his mother. Locke asks about his father and she tells him she was immaculately conceived. On the island, Locke and Boone build a trebuchet to smash the window of the hatch. When it doesn't work, Locke tells Boone the island will tell them what to do next. Boone looks weary over Locke's antics. He then tells Locke he has a big-ass piece of shrapnel in his leg, but Locke doesn't seem to notice. Later that night Locke pokes and burns his feet and legs and figures out he's losing his feeling in his legs. Sawyer is suffering from headaches but is too much of an asshole to ask Jack for help. Locke With Hair hires a private dick to investigate his parents and he tells Locke mom is schizophrenic and that maybe he should not get involved with dad. Locke ignores the warning and visits his father. Back at camp Locke has a crazy dream where he sees Boone covered in blood saying "Katherine falls down the stairs" and he sees a little plane crash and his mother is there and he's back in a wheelchair. The next day Locke and Boone head into the jungle to find the dream plane but Boone is doubtful until Locke asks him about Katherine who fell down the stairs. Jack diagnoses Sawyer and gets him to cop to having VD in front of Kate. Locke With Hair meets his dad who turns out to be Roy DeSoto from Emergency! but a lot less likeable. The two bond and hunt and other stuff until Locke With Hair finds out Roy is dying from kidney failure. Boone and Locke find a dead priest with a wad of Nigeria cash in a tree and Locke starts to stumble around as his legs fail him. Jack tells Sawyer he needs glasses, and his headaches are being caused by "A Wrinkle In Time." Well, being caused by reading while far-sighted. Locke With Hair decides to give his kidney to Roy and Roy is pleased with the way fate reunited them. (Will Bobby Troup perform the surgery? I sure hope so!) Boone and Locke find the crashed plane, just like it looked in the dream, teetering on the edge of a cliff. Locke tells Boone he'll have to climb up and investigate. In the plane Boone finds a bunch of Virgin Mary statues stuffed with heroin. He tries the plane's radio, and manages to get out a distress call, but then the plane teeters off the cliff and Boone gets smashed real good like. Locke musters the strength to pull Boone from the wreck and carries him back to the caves. Sayid makes Sawyer some glasses out of salvaged specs from the wreck. Locke With Hair wakes up in the hospital and Roy is gone but mom arrives and tells him they conned him out of his kidney. Locke With Hair goes to confront his father but can't get through the gate and on the way home, or wherever, he has an emotional breakdown over the betrayal. Locke brings Boone to Jack and tells him he fell off a cliff while hunting, then disappears immediately. Later, Locke is in the jungle crying at the hatch, asking why the island won't help him. A light in the hatch turns on.