Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Atlas Shrugged Part II Trailer

President Leland Palmer appears on the Times Square jumbotron and says: "To protect the security of our fellow citizens [On-Screen Text: IN THE NEAR FUTURE] for the duration of the national emergency [SOCIETY IS COLLAPSING] that the statutes of directive 10-289 shall remain in effect."

There is very dramatic music. Lots of pensive people look on. Pensively.

[DRASTIC GOVERNMENT MEASURES] Papers are signed. Briefcases are stuffed. Leland continues: "All copyrights shall be transferred to the federal government. [HAVE BEEN IMPOSED] All wages and other forms of income are hereby frozen." [FOR THE COMMON GOOD]

Men in hard hats shake their heads. Also, it seems to me that the authors don't know the difference between copyrights and patents. Or maybe the government really does want to rake in money from all those Jason Mraz MP3s iTunes sells.

White Dude in a Suit: "It's all happening so fast." White Woman: "I won't be a slave." That's nice. Don't be a slave, you!

[BASED UPON ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL NOVELS OF OUR TIME] Hallways! Trams! Disembodied voice: "You say you and Henry Reardon found it?" Secret passageways!

Just FYI: Most of the dialogue in this trailer happens off-screen, so I can't ever tell you who is speaking.

[A DISCOVERY THAT COULD SAVE US] Ummm... "Us"? There is no "us" in Objectivism, is there? I thought it was all about selfishness, all about "me." And by "me" I mean "Randian dildobrains."

Wait. What the fuck is that?! That white woman who will not be a slave has Christopher Collet's bomb from The Manhattan Project. That can't be a bomb. There are no bombs in this, are there? Disembodied voice: "A device harvesting limitless energy without fossil fuels." Yeah, that doesn't clear it up. Still sounds like an atomic bomb.

White (non-slave) Woman walks with White Man: "We're so close to having something they won't be able to fight." [A SYSTEM THAT WANTS TO CONTROL US] Slow motion guys in suits, who are definitely not the Reservoir Dogs. (Probably Washington Fat cats.) Oh, look, Michael Gross!

Disembodied voice: "They will try like hell to stop you." Dr. Robert Romano of NBC's beloved medical drama ER: "Miss Taggart, I think everyone agrees that capitalism doesn't work."

White Woman looks pissed. I guess she's Dagny. Wait. Whut? That's not the same woman from the first film. Oh, good lord. The entire film has been recast. Nice. That'll be good for continuity. Different actors in every role!

Trains. (Finally!) Bridges. Arches. Bad CGI. Dagny looking pensive. Lots of pensivity in this. Pensivity! Government documents. Disembodied voice: "You don't understand the power they have."

Arye Gross: "The government takes what they want and taxes what they leave behind." Arye Gross! Tru-Fact™: I used to have a major crush on him. Remember when he was on Ellen? I do! *faints*

Documents. Pens! PENS! (A product placement deal from Cross?) That frowny white dude Dagny was with earlier. (I guess Henry Reardon? Let's just say it's Henry Reardon.) [A STRUGGLE THAT WILL CHANGE US] Protesters. (Signs read: "10-289 Sucks", "10-289 robs us BLIND", "Ten Two-Eight SWINE". Oh, they're Teabaggers.) Is this Jason Mraz's cameo?

Henry Reardon: "One of these days you're going to have to decide what side you're on." Boardrooms. Smelting. (Finally some fucking smelting!)

Disembodied voice: "It's obvious that drastic measures have to be taken." Explosions! Or maybe one explosion with some terrible continuity. [ON OCTOBER 12]

Disembodied voice: "If you saw Atlas, knees buckling, arms trembling, but still trying to hold up the world with the last of his strength, what would you tell him to do?" Hardhats! Mops! (Mops?) Esai Morales! Slow-motion Dagny!

Some guy running toward a private jet. Hotel room. Train station.

Dagny in a Limo: "Where are they? Anyone who could make a difference?" Her assistant (maybe): "I'm sitting next to her." [WHO WILL STAND]

Scientific formulas! On glass! Always with the formulas written on glass in movies. Disembodied voice: "I've only got one thing left worth fighting for."

Arye Gross points to his temple: "This." Whut? Hallways. Pensivity. Dramatic music. [WHO WILL FIGHT]

Henry Reardon at a city council meeting: "And if you feel you have the right to use force against me bring guns." Guy (ethnic looking) with a gun! Cheering white people! Trains. Protestors. Disembodied voice: "Time is running out." That guy running for the plane again. He has Weezer glasses.

Jet buzzing some tree tops. [WHO IS JOHN GALT?] Trains! Planes! (No automobiles?) Kissing! Sciency looking shit. Explosion!

Disembodied voice, which I will assume is Dagny since she appears to the only woman in this: "Who or what is John Galt? Is he even a man?" Plane crash! Eep! Disembodied male voice: "Or an idea?"


A hand reaching out to Dagny. Disembodied voice: "Are you ready?"


Showtimes here.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I Want Candy!


Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Crystal Blue Persuasion

Tommy James & The Shondells: "Crystal Blue Persuasion"